My Head Is Fucked Up

Intention of the day: Always remember that I am made of the same divine light as the rest of the Universe. We are all of one, and one is within us all. Morning writing: I made it! The book is complete. This is the final lesson. It's a bit of a reiteration of some previous lessons but still a good one to end on. Remember that I am made of the same energy as other people. As the trees and animals, and inanimate objects too. This planet is made of atoms just like I am. This Universe is composed of atoms. If you zoom out far enough... this Universe looks like an atom. We are all the same oneness, energy and light. It is always moving and changing as it works to stay in balance. That is the yin and yang of this energy, the magnetism of it. There will always be bad with good, that's part of the balance. Without motion there is no life. So now the book is over. I am not sure if this blog will continue as frequently, we'll just see how that goes. I will try to check in, but I m...

Intention of the day: Your higher self is your true identity. Be it. Morning writing: The journey through this book is almost complete! I feel like I have transformed, maybe not completely but I'm on the path. I will not let dating relationships get in the way of my meditation or my striving to be a better me. I will prioritize self love and not put someone else up on a pedestal. I will try to expand the reach of my inner light and spirit every day. I will continue my search for new sanctuaries and teachings. I plan to study a bit of Kaballa and/or Astrology as well. My higher self, at all times, will practice Forgiveness, Flexibility and Focus. Tarot Reading: Personal Wellbeing: Guidance: II of Wands (future planning, progress, decisions, discovery) Theme : Ace of Wands (inspiration, power, creation, beginnings, potential) Challenge: Queen of Cups (emotional security, calm, intuitive, compassionate) My challenges for my personal wellbeing may involve feeling insecure,...

Intention of the day: Remember that there is light and spirit inside everything around me. Morning writing: Appreciate the world in new ways by seeing the spirit inside each person, creature, plant and anything!! We're all made up of the same carbon matter. We are all composed of countless numbers of atoms that are spinning together to form molecular structures that create our bodies and the things we use every day. All of that energy is the light of the Universe. It came from the Universe, it is part of the Universe, it is the Universe. If they want to call it Divine, that's fine too! I like to think of myself as Divine. Tarot Reading: XV The Devil (bondage, addiction, sexuality, materialism) Ouch. My spirit guides know that I started using my dating app again. I don't really see this as disapproval, more of a "smh" and I gotta do what I gotta do. I acknowledge the need for sexuality in my life. I don't think that's so wrong. My spirit guides see ...

Intention of the day: When in doubt, what would your enlightened self do?? Morning writing: This lesson takes the approach of "you may not feel enlightened yet, but..." and that kind of turned me off. Because I totally DO feel enlightened, I don't need the lesson to dumb it down or baby me. I've been feeling more enlightened for months! Sure, I'm not a perfect zen master yet but I "see the light" and I am learning how to tap into it. I know I still have a lot to work on but I feel that I've learned a lot by reading this book and some of the other books I've been reading on self love. I'd say that 2018 is a good year of strength and power for me, at least the first half has been. I have awoken from my slumber of depending on a relationship for happiness. I was on auto-pilot for so many years. It's scary and lonely sometimes but I know I'm a better person overall now. I almost pity the people in relationships who say they need their ...

Intention of the day: Remember that inner light is in everything. Try to see it! Morning writing: This lesson was pretty abstract. It was also a little religiously charged so I have trouble really focusing on lessons like this. But I think the main idea is that the energy of the Universe and light is in everything at all times. By remembering this, it will be easier to forgive those that are imperfect. Tarot Reading: VIII Pentacles (apprenticeship, education, quality, engagement) Today I have to go to the doctor for a physical and I feel anxiety about it. I'm going to ask for an AIDS and STD screening while they're at it, and for some reason this is making me very nervous. I didn't feel ill yesterday but I sure do today. I'm also supposed to get my period today so I'm a ball of stress. I asked my spirit guides for reassurance and strength. They sent me the VIII of Pentacles, which reminds me that it's a good thing to be taking initiative and proactive ab...

Intention of the day: Practice these teachings as much as possible throughout each day. Morning writing: I must remember to speak my mantra during the day and it will help me to remember to stay on a higher level. Every day holds new challenges and difficulties for me to apply these lessons to and learn from, if I remember to do so. I am about to get my period so especially in times when my mind is overwhelmed with hormones pulling me to extreme emotions, I must remember to retain this perspective. Maybe I'll mention this to my doctor, but I really don't want to start taking pills. Yesterday I had my crystal light therapy session. It was so relaxing and awesome. I didn't have any visualizations like I was expecting. My mind was racing, I had a crazy day with lots of people irking me and issues to deal with, so I wasn't really able to focus to get to that level. But I did have some physical experiences which were unexpected. First I felt a lightness, almost like I wa...

Intention of the day: Add "I choose my Highest Self" and "I redirect attention from my ego to my Highest Self" to my meditation mantra list!! :) Morning writing: An essential key to happiness, for me anyway, is to stop letting my ego get the best of me. So many decisions have been made because I felt that someone had wronged me and I was reacting in a negative way to match the other person's. This is a negative cycle that brings me down. Choosing my Highest Self is to rise above this pettiness. I want to live on a higher plane of existence. All the 'regular' people who are not striving for enlightenment are at the base level. If I can see past the daily bullshit and stay true to my Highest Self, I will not be effected by the base level drama. It is similar to watching children arguing over toys, you see how silly it is and know better than to get involved in the drama. I want to be like that with my grownup life. I want to see through the arguments for...

Intention of the day: Trust that higher powers will work things out the right way. Morning writing: One of the scariest things to me is blind trust. I've been burned by people so many times that trusting a human is not an easy thing for me anymore, and only give my trust to people who are worth it. However, today's lesson isn't about trusting people. It's about trusting the UNIVERSE. Trusting that there is a bigger picture. Trust that the things I need in life will find their way to me. Last night I cast a circle and did an enchantment on a ring that I am now calling my New Love Moon Ring. I am trusting that the enchantment worked and will help me find what I seek. I trust the Universe to help guide my soul mate to me. If it doesn't happen right away, I'll do the enchantment again because I trust that with the power of concentration, it will work. Because the mind is far stronger than anyone gives it credit for and I know and trust that I have magick in me. ...

Intention of the day: Continue to remember and value the yin and yang of life, the ebb and flow of the Universe, and trust that all will be well. Evening reflections: Today's lesson continues on from yesterday. It is important to not only handle life's 'contractions' but to embrace them. It is necessary and is a sign of personal growth when something to seem to be limiting or restricting my life. Being aware of these issues, and learning to handle and grow from them is the path towards expansion and greatness. Don't fear change, be excited by it! Don't let labels and expectations of others prevent you from doing what will bring you greatest joy and highest powers!! Tarot Weekly Forecast: Sunday: Page of Wands (enthusiasm, exploration, discovery, free spirit) Monday: Page of Pentacles (manifestation, financial opportunity, new job) Tuesday: XIX The Sun (fun, warmth, success, positivity, vitality) Wednesday: Ace of Wands (inspiration, power, creation, beg...

Intention of the day: Setbacks are a part of life - don't let them deter you from enlightenment. Morning writing: It's raining and peaceful today. I plan to meditate and start writing in my grimoire. Maybe I will do a full tarot spread and update my crystal grid later. It seems like a good day to be spiritual. Back to the lesson - today I am reminded that setbacks, issues, and contractions in the flow of life are going to happen. It doesn't mean it's the end of the world. If I make a mistake, pick up the pieces and continue on. If I face adversity, it's simply a challenge for me to overcome. It's the yin and yang of life. It will all even out in the end, so it is up to me to handle the problems with grace and flexibility. Tarot Reading: Speaking of adversity, I found out at work yesterday that there was an issue with my tax filing that has to get corrected now. I'm a little stressed about it so I asked my spirit guides for insight on if things were goi...

Intention of the day: Remember that reality is a construct of the human mind - I can create my own reality because if I believe it, then it can happen. Morning writing: We're in the home stretch - only 10 lessons left after today! I don't really know what my plan is to continue my morning journaling. I might mix it up a bit more and just do stream of consciousness writing... because, as the lesson today states, expanding my consciousness MIGHT even save the world. On top of my witching book, yesterday I was doing a bit of research about brain waves and how the brain works. This is because of the whole stupid laurel/yandy thing (trying to explain to my friends that yandy is a compression artifact and the your brain only hears it because you want to) but also because of an email I got about a new light therapy at Modrn Sanctuary. It mentioned that this therapy helps you achieve high Alpha and reach Theta levels. When I looked this up, I learned that our electric activity in our...

Intention of the day: Remember to keep things in perspective and don't get worked up when nothing is actually wrong in the present moment. Morning writing: How many times in the past have I gotten stressed out about something that hasn't happened, worried about something that could potentially happen, or get upset by someone who I don't even know on the internet hundreds of miles away. It seems SO silly when you think about it objectively. I think I'm most guilty for the worrying about things that haven't happened... but I do think I have some foresight. Regardless of whether that's true, it's still futile to spend negative energy and stress on something that COULD happen. I should reserve extreme negative emotions for if the undesired event actually happens, and stay FLEXIBLE, FOCUSED and FORGIVING either way. Tarot Reading: IX of Pentacles (gratitude, luxury, self sufficiency, culmination) My spirit guides seem pleased with me! I have been studying...

Intention of the day: It's okay to ask for help from your friends, family and the Universe Morning writing: The lesson stresses that it's important to ask for help. It unburdens me and relieves me of stress. And sometimes, you have an issue and you can only ask the Universe for help. In those cases, it's vital to trust and let the Universe work on the issue. Don't go back and forth, trying to handle it yourself, then leave it to Universe, then take it back again... Trust. Just trust and faith. I wanted share what happened to me yesterday. I pulled that Page of Pentacles and wondered if one of the odd jobs I had reached out to would come to fruition. Not exactly. What did happen was the Ex texted me that his job was looking for someone to do some design work! I told him I was interested, and it was pouring rain so I figured I'd ask if he could pick me up at the train... and he did! We talked, we do enjoy catching up with each other I think. It's really a sham...

Intention of the day: All you need is love - share it and spread it as much as you can. Morning writing: I did a meditation this morning and attempted to share my love with the world, like the lesson describes... but my cat interrupted. I'll have to try again later. I don't love how this seems like a reiteration of yesterday's lesson, but I do love that these lessons at the end of the book are very uplifting. I believe that if I focus my energy and light on the love that I have for others, and then use that light to connect to less-loved groups that are spreading negative energy, maybe it will make a difference. I want to learn to help my light reach across far distances! Tarot Reading: Page of Pentacles (manifestation, financial opportunity, new job) Oooooh. This was the last card I pulled in a deck interview last night with a different deck I purchased yesterday. So the tab was open already and I was somewhat familiar with this card. Did the Pokedeck know? Is it j...

Intention of the day: Seek my inner light daily and share it with the world. Morning writing: I really enjoy these lessons about inner light. I think it's a strong practice and building my own inner light is something I always do when I meditate. In my readings I keep seeing this as a recurring theme and I think there is a spiritual sect that is specifically about light. Unfortunately I forget the name, but I'll look it up because I have a lot more research to do. But sharing my light with the world is an objective I've already been working on, as I mentioned in a previous entry. Spreading the reach is the goal now! Tarot Reading: XV The Devil (bondage, addiction, sexuality, materialism) I asked my spirit guides if I could get a theme card for the week, or the day, since my reading yesterday indicated that love was not the best topic to focus on. My answer was The Devil, which I find a little confusing. I suppose it's a reminder that I have my vices, and sex is ...

Intention of the day: Forgive everyone for everything forever!!! Afternoon writing: This seems like a lofty goal, but I understand why the lesson recommends shedding the burden and forgiving all the transgressions of all bad people throughout history. Only through forgiveness does the cycle of pain and suffering stop. Those who lash out are doing so because they are in pain, whether they realize it or not. They are blinded, they are confused. Resenting these people will only perpetuate the cycle of negativity. Forgiveness is the answer. Forgiveness. Flexibility. Focus. Tarot Weekly Forecast: Myself: VII of Pentacles (vision, perserverance, profit, reward, investment) Theme: II of Cups (unified love, partnership, attraction, relationships) Challenges: VIII of Cups (escapism, abandonment, disappointment, withdrawal) Responses: X Wheel of Fortune (good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point) Advice: IX of Cups (wishes fulfilled, comfort, satisfaction, happiness) F...

Intention of the day: Practice patience and forgiveness for those who have become blind to their inner light. Help them to see it. Morning writing: In my meditation, I have been trying to emanate my inner light to others. I don't know if it works. I think I need to build up my strength and maybe my inner light will have more reach. Maybe it's my aura? I am trying to focus on spreading the light and good karma so that others can soak it in. Hopefully it helps. In addition, today's lesson is a way to think about forgiveness. People who have wronged me or mankind have become blinded or confused and cannot sense their connection to the universe. They do not sense the light and happiness that I know is within me, so they do not have my strength; they lash out. I must try to reach these people, and at the very least forgive them for any wrongdoings. I had a very lucid dream this morning, which is rare for me. I woke up early, and sometimes when I do that I like to meditate wh...

Intention of the day: You already know you have this light within - USE IT. Morning writing: I have explored this topic several times already. I know I have light inside me. I try to share it with strangers on the train sometimes. I wonder if they perceive it. I will continue to tap into my light and let it comfort me that this light energy is within everyone and throughout the universe. Tarot Reading:  XVII The Star (hope, spirituality, renewal, inspiration, serenity) I was good last night, I didn't do anything stupid or drink too much. I'm still pretty hungover but that's expected. I chose to be patient yesterday and today I am given a nice TGIF card. There is hope. I will continue to trust and focus on my self and know that from growing my spirituality I will be more happy. It's not all about boys.

Intention of the day: Prioritize making time for creative fun!! Morning writing: This lesson isn't teaching me so much as reminding me to take more time to be creative. I could be lazy and say that my job allows me to come up with projects, work on graphic design and be creative at any time, but that is different. That is creativity for a different purpose. Creativity for self expression is only for me. This is what I need to make sure I take more time to do. I have a guitar, a sketchbook, and a novlr account - three different ways to express my creativity and ideas. But finding the time and energy to put into a creative project is not always easy. I should definitely try to play guitar more on the weekends, maybe write a new song or practice some covers. I like how the lesson suggested to meditate before working on creative expression. This weekend I will make some time to try this out. Tarot Reading: II of Swords (indecision, choices, truce, stalemate, blocked emotions) M...

Intention of the day: When I feel troubled - remember to go into the lightness! Morning writing: One of my favorite meditations is when I visualize filling my body with light and then exuding that lightness when I exhale, sharing it with everyone around me. It is a very good feeling and I usually incorporate this into my meditation at some point. Apparently I'm doing the right thing! But the key is to remember to do this in times of trouble. Do this in times when I am stressed or in doubt. That's the hardest part, to be conscious of my emotions and learn to meditate or reach a state of calmness during a difficult moment. I'm developing a mantra - Be Flexible. Be Forgiving. Be Focused. Be Light. Tarot Reading: Queen of Pentacles (practical, homely, motherly, down-to-earth, security) Very interesting card today. Just before I pulled the card I reviewed my gratitude list and thanked the spirit guides for what I already have, and simply asked for guidance. I believe t...

Intention of the day: Live in the moment and be bold! Morning writing: How many times have I felt too shy to speak to someone, or to make the first step towards something that eludes me? As much as I think that I am outspoken and opinionated, I certainly have a shy side too. But as I grow and learn to have more confidence, I can step up and take the actions that my heart wishes for. I think my new studies in paths to enlightenment will help me to feel stronger in my own skin. I think spirituality, at it's core state, is something that humans need. Our brains can tap into our higher powers if we can perceive the signs. Tarot Reading: X of Cups (harmony, marriage, happiness, alignment) I asked my spirit guides if I was going to get in trouble for playing hooky today. Seems like I have the green light. Marriage seems like an extreme term but hopefully this is a sign that they do like me at work, despite butting heads a little bit lately. I guess I should be nice and do a littl...

Intention of the day: Meditate to develop your inner eye, it will help guide you towards being more forgiving, flexible and focused. Morning writing: I like lessons like this that go a bit deeper. The writing explores the idea that we are all of the same being, from the same land mass - only a little water on top is separating us into countries. We're all connected, and by meditating and developing the ability to tap into our inner eye, this becomes easier to see and recognize. When everyone is connected, it's harder to accuse or blame one person for one bad thing - we're all the same, so we all do that bad thing. We all act in a selfish way sometimes. To spread hate and bad karma towards someone for behaving badly is a little hypocritical. Even those who have allowed hate to blind them are my brothers and sisters. It may be harder to forgive those evils of the worlds, but it is essential to tap into your higher self and try to be flexible. Even more importantly, I can...

Intention of the day: Forgiveness, flexibility and focus - the 3 new "F words" Morning writing: Another lesson reiterating the importance of forgiveness, and the possibilities that can open up when you free yourself from wasting energy on resentment and anger. I must strive to forgive those who I perceived as wronging me in the past. I must move forward so that I can find my own happiness. Harboring grudges and resentment is only going to cause me more distress. Be forgiving, be flexible and be focused on the important things in life. This is what will keep in mind when I feel that someone is upsetting me. Be flexible in the situation. Forgive someone who may be deemed selfish or rude. Focus on keeping my inner light shining bright. Tarot Weekly Forecast: Myself: III The Empress (fertility, femininity, beauty, nature, abundance) Theme of the Week: Knight of Swords (hasty, opinionated, action oriented, communicative) Challenges: XVI The Tower (disaster, upheaval, sudde...

Intention of the day: Spread the love and good karma to everyone! Morning writing: Be kind and generous and share love with the world. Spread a little sunshine! Today's lesson made me think of this song from Pippin. In the show, the song is ironic because the character who sings it is actually very selfish and manipulative, but the actual lyrics of the song ring true. I've been reading a bit about Wiccan traditions, and this is also a theme in the Rule of Three. Every act comes back to you in threefold. I would say this is accurate, I've had a lot of bad luck in love ever since I ended things with my crazy ex-fiance. It's time to really spread the love and trust that karma will bring me some happiness too. I've been visiting an occult bookstore near my office and buying gemstones. My latest acquisition is a rose quartz necklace. I hope this will help remind me to spread the love and sunshine every day. :) Tarot Reading: What can I change about my life: XI...

Intention of the day: Let go and learn to grow Morning writing: I've been so ingrained in what I think I want that I leave no possibility for the Universe to provide me with something new. In my practice of becoming more flexible, both mentally and physically, being able to let go is a vital skill that I must master. It's very difficult, and today's lesson explained that we tend to do this for both positive and negative things. If negative, you hold onto things to try and prevent it from happening. If positive, you try to prevent anything from changing. But these are both unnatural and somewhat ridiculous. Everything changes, things happen, you can't stop things from happening. The best way to react to things happening is to be flexible, to be able to face new challenges instead of breaking down or running away. Be flexible and let go. Tarot Reading: Past: IX of Wands (courage, persistence, test of faith, resilience) Present: III of Wands Reversed (lack of fores...

Intention of the day: View challenges as chances to learn, grow or let go Morning writing: Yesterday my bestie said, "According to me, you are always happy!" I wanted to laugh. I'm not always happy - not by a longshot. But it is all about perception. How you see yourself is not the same as how others see you. Perception is running the show more than we realize, it affects our decision making and reactions. Imagine if we perceived every challenge or hardship as an opportunity for change or a possibility for something new and good, rather than a burden? It's not easy to do this in the moment, but if I can catch myself during a time of hardship and explore the yin and the yang of the situation, it will be a much more valuable lesson. Tarot Reading: Where I stand now: III of Swords (painful separation, sorrow, heart break, grief, rejection) It's baaaack. I wanted to talk about skeeball but my spirit guides want to keep talking about my emotional state instead. ...

Intention of the day: Do not dwell on the past or fret about the future. Live in the NOW. Morning writing: I'm definitely the type to stress over things that haven't even happened. But if it COULD... I will worry about it. This is silly behavior and a waste of the present. When I notice myself doing this, I am going to steer my thoughts into the present. As the lesson states, "What is wrong in this moment?" If there is nothing currently wrong, then there is no need to create negative energy. Tarot Reading: XI Justice (justice, fairness, truth, cause and effect, law) Today I will discover a truth? I'm not entirely sure what this is referring to... possibly my plans to meet up with a male friend after JP class? I'm going to try a clarifying card. III of Swords (painful separation, sorrow, heartbreak, grief, rejection) Yikes! Why does this card have to exist. I don't have anything left to break really, and my plans to meet up w/this guy were i...

Intention of the day: The only true fear of death is the fear of the unknown. Morning writing: I'm not usually the one to be worrying about if something is safe - I'm more concerned with how fun something is, or how delicious it might taste. I should probably be MORE concerned about mortality, honestly. But I don't think about it for the same yet opposite reason. I put it out of mind because it is unknown. Other people obsess because it is unknown, and usually that is how I handle things that I'm worried about. But I don't have that crippling fear of death unless I'm entering an unsafe situation that is vastly out of my control - like flying in a plane. Even that situation manifests as anxiety and less so as a fear of death, specifically. But I think the lesson is right in that people should think about this a little more, address it and face it because it will happen to everyone. Just another rite of passage. We don't know what happens at the end of this ...