My Head Is Fucked Up

Intention of the day: Your higher self is your true identity. Be it. Morning writing: The journey through this book is almost complete! I feel like I have transformed, maybe not completely but I'm on the path. I will not let dating relationships get in the way of my meditation or my striving to be a better me. I will prioritize self love and not put someone else up on a pedestal. I will try to expand the reach of my inner light and spirit every day. I will continue my search for new sanctuaries and teachings. I plan to study a bit of Kaballa and/or Astrology as well. My higher self, at all times, will practice Forgiveness, Flexibility and Focus. Tarot Reading: Personal Wellbeing: Guidance: II of Wands (future planning, progress, decisions, discovery) Theme : Ace of Wands (inspiration, power, creation, beginnings, potential) Challenge: Queen of Cups (emotional security, calm, intuitive, compassionate) My challenges for my personal wellbeing may involve feeling insecure,...

Intention of the day: Remember that there is light and spirit inside everything around me. Morning writing: Appreciate the world in new ways by seeing the spirit inside each person, creature, plant and anything!! We're all made up of the same carbon matter. We are all composed of countless numbers of atoms that are spinning together to form molecular structures that create our bodies and the things we use every day. All of that energy is the light of the Universe. It came from the Universe, it is part of the Universe, it is the Universe. If they want to call it Divine, that's fine too! I like to think of myself as Divine. Tarot Reading: XV The Devil (bondage, addiction, sexuality, materialism) Ouch. My spirit guides know that I started using my dating app again. I don't really see this as disapproval, more of a "smh" and I gotta do what I gotta do. I acknowledge the need for sexuality in my life. I don't think that's so wrong. My spirit guides see ...

Intention of the day: When in doubt, what would your enlightened self do?? Morning writing: This lesson takes the approach of "you may not feel enlightened yet, but..." and that kind of turned me off. Because I totally DO feel enlightened, I don't need the lesson to dumb it down or baby me. I've been feeling more enlightened for months! Sure, I'm not a perfect zen master yet but I "see the light" and I am learning how to tap into it. I know I still have a lot to work on but I feel that I've learned a lot by reading this book and some of the other books I've been reading on self love. I'd say that 2018 is a good year of strength and power for me, at least the first half has been. I have awoken from my slumber of depending on a relationship for happiness. I was on auto-pilot for so many years. It's scary and lonely sometimes but I know I'm a better person overall now. I almost pity the people in relationships who say they need their ...

Intention of the day: Remember that inner light is in everything. Try to see it! Morning writing: This lesson was pretty abstract. It was also a little religiously charged so I have trouble really focusing on lessons like this. But I think the main idea is that the energy of the Universe and light is in everything at all times. By remembering this, it will be easier to forgive those that are imperfect. Tarot Reading: VIII Pentacles (apprenticeship, education, quality, engagement) Today I have to go to the doctor for a physical and I feel anxiety about it. I'm going to ask for an AIDS and STD screening while they're at it, and for some reason this is making me very nervous. I didn't feel ill yesterday but I sure do today. I'm also supposed to get my period today so I'm a ball of stress. I asked my spirit guides for reassurance and strength. They sent me the VIII of Pentacles, which reminds me that it's a good thing to be taking initiative and proactive ab...

Intention of the day: Practice these teachings as much as possible throughout each day. Morning writing: I must remember to speak my mantra during the day and it will help me to remember to stay on a higher level. Every day holds new challenges and difficulties for me to apply these lessons to and learn from, if I remember to do so. I am about to get my period so especially in times when my mind is overwhelmed with hormones pulling me to extreme emotions, I must remember to retain this perspective. Maybe I'll mention this to my doctor, but I really don't want to start taking pills. Yesterday I had my crystal light therapy session. It was so relaxing and awesome. I didn't have any visualizations like I was expecting. My mind was racing, I had a crazy day with lots of people irking me and issues to deal with, so I wasn't really able to focus to get to that level. But I did have some physical experiences which were unexpected. First I felt a lightness, almost like I wa...

Intention of the day: Add "I choose my Highest Self" and "I redirect attention from my ego to my Highest Self" to my meditation mantra list!! :) Morning writing: An essential key to happiness, for me anyway, is to stop letting my ego get the best of me. So many decisions have been made because I felt that someone had wronged me and I was reacting in a negative way to match the other person's. This is a negative cycle that brings me down. Choosing my Highest Self is to rise above this pettiness. I want to live on a higher plane of existence. All the 'regular' people who are not striving for enlightenment are at the base level. If I can see past the daily bullshit and stay true to my Highest Self, I will not be effected by the base level drama. It is similar to watching children arguing over toys, you see how silly it is and know better than to get involved in the drama. I want to be like that with my grownup life. I want to see through the arguments for...