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Day 56: I forgive myself for any time I didn't treat myself with love and kindness

Intention of the day: Don't beat yourself up.

Morning writing: This lesson wasn't the best. I don't think it was explained or written well. I think it's just saying not to beat yourself up for beating yourself up. Meaning, if you make a mistake and you say, "Oh you idiot! Why did you make that choice??" that's the initial condemnation. Then you feel bad for condemning yourself. Soo... I'm supposed to just not be mad about any of that. I just have to be nice to myself. I've already been doing that a little, as my focus has been to bring awareness to my extreme emotions and try to reign them in. Yesterday I was thinking about something that was making me feel emotional and my eyes teared up. I thought to myself, "Cut the shit." Then I thought that this was harsh and thought something more like, "Just stop doing this" and used a mellower tone on myself. I'm sure that this is the goal of today's lesson, so I'll just keep that up I guess!

Tarot Reading:

VIII Strength (strength, courage, patience, control, compassion)
V The Hierophant (religion, group identification, conformity, tradition, beliefs)
XX Judgement (judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution)

Sigh. I asked my deck if there was any message about a guy I went on a date with and then had a serious injury issue to deal with and disappeared. I like him and I hope he's okay. I also hope he'll show up again someday when he's feeling better. But my spirit guides clearly don't want me to focus on him. I must maintain strength on my own, and continue to focus on spiritual growth. The ominous judgement card at the end makes me think that once I've reached a new level of enlightenment, then I will be "reborn." It sounds like a test! Eep.
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