Intention of the day: Meditate on releasing my need to be in control. Trust that things will all be taken care of by the Universe.
Morning writing: I had a nice long meditation in my morning routine today. It's Friday and my boss is out for a vacay so if I'm a little late it's not a big deal. Besides, things will all be taken care of by the Universe! I have had control issues for a while. Insecurity makes you want to try to control everything that you can, as a defense mechanism. You think that if you control how people act or where they go, then they will act and do whatever you want and you will not get hurt. This is unhealthy and simply not possible. I can't control anything except for myself, my actions, and my reactions. My relationship with my ex was toxic because I wanted to control him. I wanted him to be the perfect version of himself that was inside my head. But that person isn't real and the real guy didn't want to be that perfect self, for whatever reason. I can't control that and ultimately had to let him go. I know that breaking up with him was the best thing for us, but I also recognize that my actions towards him were just as painful to him as his actions were to me. He didn't want to be in the same kind of relationship that I did, and it wasn't fair to either of us. But in my NEXT relationship, I need to let go of the control. I have to trust that the guy will act with good intentions and accept that I will not know for sure sometimes. I need to trust that I don't have to know everything. I don't have to have all of the answers, all of the time. All I need to know is if I'm working on my highest self. Am I working towards my best me? Am I spreading good karma?
On my commute a few weeks ago, I overhead a woman on the phone with someone and she said something very simple that struck me: "The only thing I can control is my fitness."
While I have no idea what the heck she was actually talking about in her conversation, that line gave me some clarity. I can't control how anyone else acts or what they say. But I can control my mind and my body. Instead of focusing on how other people are doing things wrong, I should think about ways to improve myself. I can control my fitness, both mental and physical. That's all I need to worry about. The rest will all work itself out.
Tarot Reading:
Here's the kicker - I still buy weed from my ex. We are very much not 'friends' and I am absolutely not trying to pursue him in any romantic way anymore. But he has good stuff and he'll drive to me so I hit him up once every two weeks or so. I asked my spirit guides if I should stop doing that.
XVII The Star (hope, spirituality, renewal, inspiration, serenity)
XVIII The Moon (illusion, fear, anxiety, insecurity, subconscious)
XIX The Sun (fun, warmth, success, positivity, vitality)
Is it weird to pull three cards that are all in a row like that? I'll have to ask my friend. The message seems to be saying that there is hope in being friends. It won't be very easy, there are lots of issues we have with each other because of the past. But there is always hope in having a fun friendship someday. Or at least a positive customer service interaction lol.
Morning writing: I had a nice long meditation in my morning routine today. It's Friday and my boss is out for a vacay so if I'm a little late it's not a big deal. Besides, things will all be taken care of by the Universe! I have had control issues for a while. Insecurity makes you want to try to control everything that you can, as a defense mechanism. You think that if you control how people act or where they go, then they will act and do whatever you want and you will not get hurt. This is unhealthy and simply not possible. I can't control anything except for myself, my actions, and my reactions. My relationship with my ex was toxic because I wanted to control him. I wanted him to be the perfect version of himself that was inside my head. But that person isn't real and the real guy didn't want to be that perfect self, for whatever reason. I can't control that and ultimately had to let him go. I know that breaking up with him was the best thing for us, but I also recognize that my actions towards him were just as painful to him as his actions were to me. He didn't want to be in the same kind of relationship that I did, and it wasn't fair to either of us. But in my NEXT relationship, I need to let go of the control. I have to trust that the guy will act with good intentions and accept that I will not know for sure sometimes. I need to trust that I don't have to know everything. I don't have to have all of the answers, all of the time. All I need to know is if I'm working on my highest self. Am I working towards my best me? Am I spreading good karma?
On my commute a few weeks ago, I overhead a woman on the phone with someone and she said something very simple that struck me: "The only thing I can control is my fitness."
While I have no idea what the heck she was actually talking about in her conversation, that line gave me some clarity. I can't control how anyone else acts or what they say. But I can control my mind and my body. Instead of focusing on how other people are doing things wrong, I should think about ways to improve myself. I can control my fitness, both mental and physical. That's all I need to worry about. The rest will all work itself out.
Tarot Reading:
Here's the kicker - I still buy weed from my ex. We are very much not 'friends' and I am absolutely not trying to pursue him in any romantic way anymore. But he has good stuff and he'll drive to me so I hit him up once every two weeks or so. I asked my spirit guides if I should stop doing that.
XVII The Star (hope, spirituality, renewal, inspiration, serenity)
XVIII The Moon (illusion, fear, anxiety, insecurity, subconscious)
XIX The Sun (fun, warmth, success, positivity, vitality)
Is it weird to pull three cards that are all in a row like that? I'll have to ask my friend. The message seems to be saying that there is hope in being friends. It won't be very easy, there are lots of issues we have with each other because of the past. But there is always hope in having a fun friendship someday. Or at least a positive customer service interaction lol.
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