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Day 48: When I harbor resentments of the world, I am not seeing the whole TRUTH

Intention of the day: While it's important to have high standards, there is no reason to resent those who do not make the cut.

Morning writing: This is an interesting lesson. At first I was like, oh this is just a repeat about resentment! But then I started thinking about how I was arguing with my ex last night because while he says he wants to 'stay friends' he really just wants to be my herb dealer. I said I have high standards for my friends, they need to give a shit about me and want to hang out with me, aside from making fucking money off of me. And then we proceeded to argue about how he's a piece of shit (his words, not mine). But this lesson today is important. Sure, that jerk isn't good enough to be in my life anymore, this is clear. However, the lesson is to not RESENT him. Not hate him and hold a grudge. All that negativity will just cloud my mind, add anxiety and alter the truth. I know he's not an evil person at heart, he's just not good at being my friend. I will move on and stop attempting to maintain a friendly relationship with this kid, without turning it into an all out war. Simply... bye Felicia!


Tarot Past/Present/Future:

XX Judgement (judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution)
XIV Temperance (balance, moderation, patience, purpose, meaning)
XIX The Sun (fun, warmth, success, positivitity, vitality)

I reasoned with the Lisa Frank deck that while my actions were rough yesterday, I was doing it to stand my ground. I asked for advice going forward. I feel that my spirit guides think that my conversation yesterday was a moment of absolution; I've finally convinced myself that my ex is a waste of my time and energy. It was a rebirth for my heart. Now I must focus on patience, finding my own inner light... if I do that, someone worthwhile will make their way to me. Again, I still think I should not be dating for a while. I can't seem to stop myself from checking dating apps after an emotional argument with my ex, so I admittedly did talk to some new guy yesterday. But I'm not going to go on any dates any time soon. I want to feel that happiness from the Sun card.

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